Dear Abby: A few months ago, my friend and neighbor, "Jill," toldme how much she enjoyed an online mothers group she participated in,so I joined. Last week, Jill announced on the Web site that she'spregnant with her second child. I congratulated her online, thencongratulated her husband in person when I ran into him in theneighborhood later that day. He was flabbergasted. Apparently, Jillhadn't told him about the baby!
Jill is now furious with me because I "spoiled her surprise" byrevealing something that was supposed to be a secret. How could Ihave possibly known her pregnancy was secret? She posted it on theInternet! Jill claims any information exchanged in the onlinecommunity should be confidential, as it is never mentioned in the"real world." I think she should have told her husband beforetelling her online friends.
How was I supposed to know this "rule" about privacy when it'snever discussed? And how do I fix our friendship? I don't think Idid anything wrong. Jill thinks I hurt her on purpose. -- OnlineMommy in the Northwest
Dear Online Mommy: An online chat group is not a 12-step meetingwhere members guard their anonymity as girls do their chastity.Unless a privacy warning was clearly posted on the site, there is noway you -- or anyone else -- could have known that the discussionswere confidential. One apology should be enough. Jill's feelings ofpersecution may be hormonal and connected to her pregnancy -- so trynot to take this too personally.
Dear Abby:My colleague, "Allison," is a nice person, but she'salso a major hypochondriac. Every day, she complains about herlatest ailment -- or a family member's -- and the intensivetreatment it requires. Headaches, bathroom issues, rashes, aches,sinusitis, strange diseases, you name it. Still, she rarely exhibitsany obvious symptoms and almost never misses an entire day of work.
Many of our co-workers pamper her and give her the attention sheobviously wants. Because I tend to downplay her ailments, I amconsidered insensitive and cruel. I am frustrated because I simplyno longer care to listen to her made-up maladies. She also tries toconvince everyone else in the office that their minor sniffles,fatigue and pulled muscles are symptoms of serious ailments.
Ironically, we are health-care workers, and talking about healthissues is part of our job. I'm sick and tired of Allison theHypochondriac. Have you any ideas on how to handle this woman? --Heard It All in N.Y.
Dear Heard It All: Allison does have an illness, but it is not ofa physical nature. Until the poor woman is ready to accept and dealwith it -- or your supervisor or human-resources person is ready tourge her to -- there is nothing you can do to "fix" her. Because herconstant complaints are stressing you out, my advice is to move outof earshot as soon as she starts another chorus of her daily "organrecital."
Dear Abby: Can you tell me the proper way to place your knife andfork after you finish eating? I was taught to turn my fork over atthe 4 o'clock position and the knife just to the left of the fork. Ifold my napkin and place it to the left when dinner has beencompleted.
Am I old-fashioned? -- Gerry in Sugar Land, Texas
Dear Gerry: No. You're practicing proper table etiquette.According to "Emily Post's Etiquette," at the end of the course, theknife and fork should be "laid diagonally across the plate" in theposition you have described, and "the knife blade faces inward, butthe fork tines can be either up or down."
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as JeannePhillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. WriteDear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA90069. (c) Universal Press Syndicate
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